Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
