My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
