I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
