hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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