It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
