haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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