worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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