Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
