something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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