There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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