I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
