I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
