We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
