we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.