Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.

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(773): i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink. http://tfl.nu/eils

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(707): View more from California

I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever

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(707): I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever http://tfl.nu/38jn

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(571): View more from Virginia

i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days

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(571): i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days http://tfl.nu/w4vm

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(480): View more from Arizona

Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.

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(480): Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars. http://tfl.nu/f73b

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.

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(603): I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months. http://tfl.nu/isje

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(985): View more from Louisiana

she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.

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(985): she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out. http://tfl.nu/kfuw

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(850): View more from Florida

I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.

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(850): I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme. http://tfl.nu/wwup

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups

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(724): I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups http://tfl.nu/pn1i

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(970): View more from Colorado

Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.

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(970): Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day. http://tfl.nu/cvyh

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(219): View more from Indiana

Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt

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(219): Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt http://tfl.nu/6y5k

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(502): View more from Kentucky

She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.

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(502): She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do. http://tfl.nu/zxpe

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(630): View more from Illinois

Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why

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(630): Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why http://tfl.nu/bkyw

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(740): View more from Ohio

I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit

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(740): I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit http://tfl.nu/8mkh

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(410): View more from Maryland

There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.

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(410): There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this. http://tfl.nu/4z9s

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(404): View more from Georgia

Boobs are out for the taking

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(404): Boobs are out for the taking http://tfl.nu/yo2g

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