like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
