I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
my poor anus
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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