You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.