im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
