Soap is not a condiment
I just cut my nipple shaving
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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