I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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