very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
