My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
God, I missed his penis.
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