There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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