He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pray to the hookup gods
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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