White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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