eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
