Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
