non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
And my parents said I crawled through the house
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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