Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
