I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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