we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
