In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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