Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
