too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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