i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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