Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
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