is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
