Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
