I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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