it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
BRING THE BAGELS
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i out mim tonsoeep
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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