I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
