hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
