Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
