i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
