our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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