"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
