dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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