i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
