My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
