Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
