Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
