I wish I could punch you in the face.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
