I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
