You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
