Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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