totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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