why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
