my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
