dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
