I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
