all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
