First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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