I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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