if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
