hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Someone shattered a urinal.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
