omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I will pee on everything he values.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Damn victory sex feels great
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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