Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
