someone threw a dead crab at me
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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