I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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