dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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