I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
