All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
