This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
